- A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
- Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
- happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
- You can’t be late until you show up
- I’d call you a tool, but even THEY serve a purpose.
- remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
- Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
- Death is life’s way of telling you that you’ve been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life, “you can’t fire me, I Quit!”
Some very funny,cool,clever and lovely quotes for your facebook and twitter status,from great moments of our favorite tv show.
- Chandler: (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men.
- Chandler: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, “Get out of my chair, dillhole!”
- Chandler: You know what’s weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he’s getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?
- Rachel: They wanna know if I’m okay. Okay.. they wanna know if I’m okay, okay, let’s see. Well, let’s see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I’m getting coffee! And it’s not even for me! So if that sounds like I’m okay, okay, then you can tell them I’m okay, okay?
- Joey: It’s like if you woke up one day and found out your dad was leading this double life. He’s like actually some spy, working for the C.I.A. (Considers) That’d be cool…. This blows!
- Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I’ll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after twenty-year-old boys, or… I’ll end up like my mom.
- Ross: And everyone’s telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I’m saying, because, let’s face it, you’re a fetus. You’re just happy you don’t have gills anymore.
Select the funniest and put it on your status
- There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t
- If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0
- My software never has bugs. It just develops random features
- Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF , All my base belongs to you
- The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed LINUX
- Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly
- The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong
- You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead
- Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!
- Don’t do drugs…give them to me.
- This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
- Is wondering if wondering is a good thing or do i wonder about something else hummmm, i wonder !!
- Why don’t aliens eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
- A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
- When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
- He had a photographic memory which was never developed
Some funny (and not only) ideas for your Christmas status:
- Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
- How do you know Santa has to be a man? No woman would wear the same outfit year after year.
- Dear Santa, I was framed.
- is starting to think that Santa just isn’t that into me.
- the only Christmas spirit you’ll see from me this year is a bottle of rum under your tree.
- Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
- is going to stuff your stocking good.
- kicked an elf today.
Facebook status updates: they’re difficult to get right, and they’re infuriating to read when they’re wrong. Here’s my Top Ten Worst Facebook Status Crimes. I should know, I’ve committed most of them.
Note to you. Yes, you. This is not about your updates – I <3 your updates. It’s about everyone else’s.
1. The song lyrics
I get it. You *think* you’re feeling exactly what Morrissey felt when he wrote There Is A Light That Never Goes Out, but in fact, you’ve just drunk a bit too much and you’re feeling a tad melancholy. Not. The. Same.
2. The Passive Aggression
Do you really think the object of your aggression is going to read what you’ve written, sensibly digest and modify their behaviour accordingly? To date, it’s never happened. What has happened, is this.
3. The information broadcast
Short of taking out an ad in The Metro, Facebook is the most effective way of informing people what jealousy-worthy event has passed in your life. Achingly cool gig, flowers delivered at work, refusing Mark Ronson a date – all this and more can be put on display to illustrate to others how much they should want to be you.
What to say at a girl via your status:
- You must be in a wrong place – the Miss Universe contest is over there.
- Was that an earthquake or did u just rock my world?
- I may not be a genie but I can make your dreams come true
- Are you a magnet cuz im attracted to you
- Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
- I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access.
- Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for Christmas.
- Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!
- If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the Mcgorgeous!
- Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?
- I’m addicted to yes, and I’m allergic to no. So what’s it gonna be?
- Your body is a wonderland and i want to be Alice.
- Are you an alien? because you just abducted my heart.
- Were your parents Greek Gods, ’cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.
- You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.
1. “My answer is bring them on.” –on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003
2. “Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job.” –to FEMA director Michael Brown, who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his handling of the Hurricane Katrina debacle, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005
3. “You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.” –to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005
4. “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” –Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
5. “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” –Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004
- Studying for my AIDS test hope i dont fail.
- is a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I’m perfect.
- Is Wondering…. If Money Doesn’t Grow On Trees,, Then Why Do Banks Have Branches ?
- Insert coin to view my status message.
- is posting on Twitter that he is updating his Facebook status update…
- is in bed with your Girlfriend !
- my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- I’m on the “Starts tomorrow” diet.
- iTunes just suffered a major melt down. I now have noTunes now!!!
- thinks “Recession” is when your neighbor loses his job. “Depression” is when you lose yours. And “Recovery” is when Obama loses his