Some hilarious facebook status updates

Posted: April 14th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Funny | Tags: | No Comments »

  • A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
  • Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
  • happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
  • You can’t be late until you show up
  • I’d call you a tool, but even THEY serve a purpose.
  • remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
  • Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
  • Death is life’s way of telling you that you’ve been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life, “you can’t fire me, I Quit!”
  • All men are born free and equal. If they go and get married, that’s their own fault.
  • I wouldn’t say you’re stupid. You are, but I wouldn’t say it.
  • the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
  • I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares.
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
  • Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
  • When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
  • First the earth cooled, then the dinosaurs came and they all bought Benzes…
  • If I’m not back in five minutes… just wait longer. ~ Ace Ventura
  • Call the FBI and tell them I fell down a flight of stairs! ~ Dr Oz, The Whole Nine Yards
  • Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
  • Boys are like baby diapers when they get to be filled with shit they are thrown to be replaced.
  • Wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
  • If guys had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons.

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