Witty status quotes

Posted: April 30th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: Misc | Tags: | No Comments »

  • God does not play dice with the universe.
    Albert Einstien
  • If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
    President Harry S Truman
  • I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born
    Ronald Reagan
  • The only genius with an IQ of 60.
    Gore Vidal on Andy Warhol
  • Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
    Shakespeare
  • Shaw writes his plays for the ages, the ages between five and twelve.
    George Nathan on George Bernard Shaw
  • Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
  • Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
  • My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?
  • If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
  • How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
  • One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.
  • Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.
  • Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
  • Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
  • Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
  • Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.
  • The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
  • Always use tasteful words – you may have to eat them.
  • History is littered with wars which everybody knew would never happen.
  • There is one thing even more vital to science than intelligent methods; and that is, the sincere desire to find out the truth, whatever it may be.
  • The best thing about humour is that it shows people they are not alone.
  • Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.
    - Oscar Wilde
  • Le sens commun n’est pas si commun. (“Common sense is not so common.”)
    - Voltaire
  • Nature composes some of her loveliest poems for microscope and telescope.
    - Theordore Roszak
  • History is philosophy drawn from examples.
    - Dionysius of Halicarnassus
  • The most shocking fact about war is that its victims and its instruments are individual human beings and that these individuals are condemned by the monstrous conventions of politics to murder and be murdered in quarrels not their own.
    - Aldous Huxley
  • You must forgive in order to live.
    - Stephen Orchard
  • Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.
    - Mark Twain
  • A man can’t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
    - Oscar Wilde
  • A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
    - Will Rogers
  • Creationists make it sound as though a ‘theory’ is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
    - Isaac Asimov
  • Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
    - Ogden Nash
  • Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
    - Benjamin Franklin
  • Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
    - Groucho Marx
  • Apology is only egotism wrong side out.
    - Oliver Wendell Holmes

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