Woody Allen quotes for facebook status

Posted: November 15th, 2010 | Author: | Filed under: Misc | No Comments »
  • Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right.Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
  • Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.
  • I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
  • I don’t have to ‘freedom-kiss’ my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.
  • I don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
  • I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
  • I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
  • I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
  • In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
  • Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
  • I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
  • I’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
  • Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
  • Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman.
  • That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.
  • As the poet said, ‘Only God can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
  • Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
  • I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!
  • My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty..
  • If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
  • I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.My brain? It’s my second favorite organ.

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